Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Nvidia CEO Pays Tribute To Late Nintendo President Satoru Iwata In New Switch 2 Video - Kotaku

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

If the world was flat, would it be possible to see Mount Everest if it was on the other side of the Earth on a clear sunny day?

I understand how hurricane paths work

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t buy bullshit

Nelly Korda coaxes in final birdie, overcomes front-nine 40 to stay in U.S. Women's Open mix - NBC Sports

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

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I have a reading level above third grade

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Arnold Schwarzenegger Confronted Patrick After He Said He Wished He Didn’t Have His Last Name - BuzzFeed

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

Why do you suck men's dicks?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

Finebaum on House settlement: NCAA dead, Olympic and women sports crushed, football wins - AL.com

I can read

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Agent-based computing is outgrowing the web as we know it - VentureBeat

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I have complete contempt for fakery

How can targeted individuals protect themselves from organized stalking? Have you discovered practical strategies?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Posting Memes With Pride - Vulture

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

The two rules investors need to follow right now as the S&P 500 eyes a return to 6,000 - MarketWatch

I can count

I see through liars

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I actually pay taxes

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says: